This is something that’s been on my mind for a few weeks now, and something that’s been really bothering me. I was recently in the position of watching someone make choices based 100% on what our culture tells them to do, and not what their own desires are. This actually happened a couple of times in the last few weeks. It really made me start thinking about our American culture. Of course, culture colors how we view our world and affects the choices we make. That’s to be expected. Those Georgia Peaches prefer sweet tea while northerners want their unsweet. It’s what you grow up with, right? But what about when you encounter something new? What do you choose when you come into a situation that you’ve never been around? You are presented with options and have no personal knowledge with which to make your decision. Well, you go to popular culture, of course. And how do you access popular culture? Well, first, you might ask the opinion of your friends, but where did they get their own information? Maybe from experience or maybe they didn’t know either. So, we go to the internet. Or, if we are a bit old fashioned about these things, we might hit the book store or library to find a book or 20 on the topic at hand. But even then, the books available are going to be books written by Americans who grew up in America and who’s experience is limited to American culture. And while I AM proud to be an American, I am not deluded into thinking that the American way is the only way and certainly it is not necessarily the best way to do anything. Please don’t misunderstand me. I DO think a lot of the culture things in America are the best in the world. But I am not so blinded by American pride as to think that this is true for every single thing.
So, that’s all very broad. To illustrate what I’ve been thinking about, I’m going to use specific examples and because this is coming from me and my own experiences, I’m going to use examples that I know a thing or two about. I have spent much of my adult life pregnant, having babies and raising said babies. In addition, I worked for over 9 years around women having babies. I would consider myself a certain type of expert on child birth. In all of these years, I have seen and personally experienced just about every type of child birth you can imagine. I have personally had a very culturally relevant medicalized vaginal birth. This means Pitocin induction, spinal medication, episiotomy, and birth. I’ve had a couple of c-sections, one planned, one not. I’ve also had a couple of totally non-medical home births. You name it, I’ve done it. My birthing philosophy has changed dramatically over the 18 years since I started having babies. It’s changed a lot. Ironically, what changed me was nursing school and seeing it from the other side as a labor and delivery nurse. Birth is something that our culture really plays a huge part in when it comes to making decisions. Epidural or no. Midwife or OB. Hospital, birth center, home. In Scandanavian countries, our ideas that 99% of all births happen in hospitals is very strange. Most women there give birth with a midwife. They only see an OB if they are deemed high risk. And many of those midwife attended births are not in a hospital.
So, you’ve had the baby. Now what? An entire onslaught of decisions will now assault you. How are you going to feed that baby? If it’s a boy, are you going to have him circumcised? Where is that baby going to sleep? Are you going to work after your gov’t protected 12 weeks is finished with? Sooner? If you are going to work, who is going to care for your baby? And this is all just in the first 3 months!! And every single answer will be different from the rest of the world, if you are an American.
While lots and lots of women leave the hospital with a breast feeding baby, most never make it beyond 3 months, despite World Health Recommendations of 2 years. Those who do face another issue. What to do when they are out in public with a hungry baby. Again, culture. In Africa, women don’t even wear shirts, so it’s a non-issue. Too third world for you? How about France? Topless beaches, anyone? Breasts are so sexualized here in America, that women are harassed daily for using them in the way they were designed to be used – to feed their babies. Sigh. Culture.
Circumcision. Around 50% of American boys are routinely circumcised. This is down in the last 20 years or so. Partly due to an increase in people who did not grow up here having babies here. They come to America with their own cultural experiences. This may shock many, but America is the ONLY country in the WORLD who routinely circumcises boys for strictly cosmetic purposes. Jewish and Muslim cultures also do so, but for religious reasons. There are not epidemic levels of penile cancer in the non-circumcisiong world. Europe does not have more of a problem with STDs than we do here in the US. HIV and Africa. Yes, that’s a problem. However, that problem is related to many other cultural norms than it is to whether or not the men are circumcised. Does circumcision help? Yes. But it’s a bandaid type fix. It’s a way for people to continue in unsafe cultural behavior while reducing the consequences of said behavior. Of course, if the behavior changed, then the consequences would also change. But, that’s like asking an American to stop eating junk food. Humans love to do what they love to do. If there is a way to make it safer to do so, then we are all for it. That crosses cultural boundaries.
Finally, the issue that has caused my heart to be dwelling on this topic for weeks, where is the baby sleeping. In 90% of the world, babies sleep with parents. It’s just the more developed, or advanced countries that use cribs or cots. Why is this? Those other countries do not have a higher incidence of SIDS. They certainly grow up to be normal adults. Why do we, as Americans, think that our babies simply MUST learn to self-soothe at the tender age of tiny? It is this, of all American culture phenomena’s that I am most baffled by. Our children are tiny for such a short time. Why are we, then, in such a hurry for them to grow up? Our Creator is consistent in His creation. We are mammals. Every other mammal keeps their young close until they are able to at least feed and toilet themselves. Moms have really strong instincts to protect their children. These are not the result of evolution, but something we were created with. Why do we work so hard to squash our instincts to protect? Why do we rely on “experts” to tell us how to properly raise our children? Are these experts even really experts? Or are they just someone who has experience at raising children and though they’d share what worked for them? There is not an OB in America who would call me an expert on child birth, despite the thousands of hours I’ve spent in and around it. Why are we giving the raising of our children over to people with even less experience and less training at raising children than I’ve had with childbirth?
Lots of people will say that it doesn’t matter. You make your choice, and I’ll make mine. It’s not hurting anyone. Really? Convince the screaming baby who is only 36 hours old that his mama’s choice to circumcise is not hurting him. Try and tell the mama who is pacing up and down hall ways with tears streaming down her face, while her baby screams alone in a dark room, that she is not hurting. Do you best to make me believe that my relationship with my teenager who was forced to cry it out as a 6 month old baby was not hurt by that choice. While you’re doing that, I’m going to be working every single day, for years, to try and fix that damage.
Cultural choices matter. The question to ask, when a person is making a choice that appears to be unpopular or difficult is, “am I doing this because other people think I should, or because this is how I believe my God created me to live?” That’s what it boils down to. And yes, I understand that using this yard stick is based on my living in a Christian culture. It just so happens that my “Christian culture” tells me that being created by God is Truth. And I’m going to go with that.
And just for the record? After thinking so hard on this for the last few weeks, I have come to have an understanding and even sympathy for the Israelites who ended up living in great sin due to adopting cultural practices around them. It’s insidious and really hard to avoid.
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